What if? Then...

Tonight was a great night! I spent the evening with my sister and a few of my close friends. We went to dinner and a chick flick (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past), and it was just what I needed...and No I'm not talking about Mathew Mcconaughey :) Although, he certainly didn't disappoint :) It was nice to eat and relax, to talk and laugh, and to even cry a little. I realized tonight I haven't had a good cry in a LONG time! I did have one breakdown episode while I was in the hospital in February, but that was illness-related, and therefore doesn't count! But tonight...I feel like I need a good cry for some reason.
I am so grateful for my friends, and for my sister, Brittany! She and my mom have been there all along, through everything. I think we all need friends around us, friends to confide in, friends to share our lives with, friends to be a constant in an ever-changing environment. My friends also happen to be wonderful examples of women and mothers, which is inspiring. I feel so fortunate to share my life, my joys, my setbacks, my frustrations, and my thoughts with friends I will love and trust forever. They've seen me succeed and fail; they've seen me laughing hysterically and crying as if the end of the world were tomorrow; they've seen me get dumped; they've seen me get married; they've seen the real me, and I couldn't be more happy and grateful that they're in my life!
So why did I feel like crying tonight when I was with such great company? I started thinking about the lack of permanence in almost everything in the world (a scene in the movie triggered this). What if something happened to me and Josh before Annabelle is old enough to remember us? What if I could look into the future 10 years, only to find we didn't make it? I can't even bear the thought--the idea that either Annabelle won't remember me, or that I won't be able to see her grow and be there for her...to make sure she makes it. I know these are REALLY depressing thoughts, and I don't want to be depressing. But I started thinking about how to help her know me, to remember me. I know the best thing we can do for our children is to keep a journal, so I began making a mental list of things I'd want her to know about me (e.g. I love Josh; I love to dance and write; my best friend is my mom, etc.). Then I realized that the most important thing for her to know is that I LOVE her SO much, that nothing in this world brings me greater joy, that her presence in our home has fulfilled so many dreams on so many levels, and that her Heavenly Father and the gospel will always be there for her to ensure everlasting happiness. Isn't it comforting that at the end of the day, the things that matter most are the most simple? Everything else seems to be a footnote.