Uncluttered

My home organization project is almost complete! The only task remaining is the trip to the storage unit, but hey...at least now there is a storage unit to take a trip to! I can't believe how much better I feel. It's truly amazing what a little bit of organization can do for you. I think I've actually read self-help books that advise organizing a drawer, a shelf, etc. when you feel low. So imagine the positive benefits of organizing many drawers, closets and a few rooms! I have also noticed Annabelle's mood begin to improve too--maybe a coincidence, but I'll take it either way. Once I got started, I could not believe how much stuff needed to be thrown out and packed up. No wonder I felt as though my walls were closing in on me! 15 bags of trash, a trip to DI, and half a deck's worth of storage later, I'm feeling like a new woman with everything under control :)
Now on to a few minor improvements in the decor! I've framed a few pictures of Annabelle for the hallway, I am going to attempt sewing curtains for the office, and I'm going to paint a couple shelves for the office and Annabelle's room. I'm not really shooting for domesticity, but more for INEXPENSIVE! I've decided to have a military theme for the office. Josh already has a lot of stuff that he has received as gifts, awards, certificates, keepsakes, etc. I think it'll be a nice place to honor his service and sacrifice. Plus it's all right here, and requires NO shopping or spending! Thank goodness.
I got a haircut yesterday, and I actually really like it. It's shorter than I've ever had it (it touches right above my shoulders when it's curled), but it's so quick and low-maintenance, how can I not be satisfied? I told the hairdresser to thin it out--A LOT! She did, and then I told her to just take out more. I mean, no one is going to notice if I get rid of half my hair--and that's a true story! Plus...I'm pretty sure there was at least a pound of hair on the floor when we were done, which helps me in my weight loss goal. And to think I was just sitting down the whole time I was losing--AWESOME!
Annabelle has been so cute lately; I absolutely LOVE the stage she is in right now! She babbles and babbles and babbles! Sometimes in the morning, we'll have conversations lasting 20 minutes! She's also started using hand gestures as she "talks," which cracks me up. I know the nurse said she should have 5-10 words right now, and blah...blah...blah, but as I watch her walk around babbling and making all kinds of different sounds, I can't help but love it. I am starting to realize that this stage is adorable, and I don't need to wish time away, or wish her to be further along with her vocabulary. She will get there, and I need to savor where she is today! I will let the doctor tell me if she needs further help when she gets older. I have also changed her schedule, and she is now taking only one nap (thanks for all your advice)! I can't believe how much easier it is! And to think I was dreading it! I LOVE it! So much more flexibility.
The best news of all? Josh will be home in a month! Yes, I can count the number of weeks on one hand (as Allison pointed out)! I am very excited, as is he (I'm sure you can imagine)! He and I are planning a 3-night getaway to Vegas almost right ater he gets home, and I can't tell you how excited I am. I am nervous about leaving Annabelle! Since Josh has been gone, I've only been away from her overnight and never for more than 24 hrs. But I know how important it is for he and I to re-connect, and to be husband and wife again. Adjusting back into life as a family is one thing, and adjusting back into a marriage is another thing. They both need "time" and attention, and we feel it's important to take some time together soon after he returns. Josh says as soon as I get to Vegas I'm going to miss being a mom, and the truth is he's probably right. I love Annabelle, and I love being her mom. I LOVE spending time with her! And I know thoughts of her will probably eat me alive while I'm there. But I also know I haven't been a "wife" for an entire year, and both Josh and I have grown and changed during this time. In some respects I feel like an entirely different person from when he left, only because of what I've been through, what I've learned and re-learned about myself. He has been through life-threatening situations and life-changing situations, and I know he is not unchanged. With that said, I realize the importance of getting away and getting to know one another again before we atempt to re-start up our lives together. But...I'll probably be calling my mom, telling her to catch the red-eye to Vegas with Annabelle, so I don't crumble to pieces! :)

Weighty matters

I actually got to the gym today! And even better? Annabelle did very well, and I didn't get called down to the Child Center. When I walked in to pick her up, she was totally lounging on the floor, leaning up against a puffy chair, watching a movie on the big screen. It was actually really cute :) The bad news? I've gained 5 pounds since August 23rd (the last time I weighed myself)! It's not a huge gain, but still...things are not heading in the right direction by any means. I'm about 3 1/2 pounds from going up a size, so I've gotta nip this in the "butt!" Ha Ha

My goal is to get rid of these unwanted 5 intruders by February 28th! Here's to more easy-going gym days, and less poundage!

Difficult Conversations

One challenge of deployment is finding common ground in conversation. Another challenge of deployment is not being able to understand or comprehend things the other person is experiencing in their life. This has become very clear this past week in my conversations with Josh. He and I are able to Instant Message back and forth a few nights per week, and here are 2 recent examples of our conversations:

Conversation #1
J: "How are you?"
R: "Ok. Tired!"
J: "From what?" (I know all you moms out there are laughing inside. Being a mom makes us tired?)
R: "Getting up at 7:45 with Annabelle, driving to get diapers, having her throw up on the way home, getting her bathed, fed, and down for a nap, rinsing out throw up and poop from her clothes, picking up the house, paying bills, teaching my dance class, taking apart and cleaning out the car seat, doing the laundry, fixing dinner, having one hr. of quiet time with Annabelle on my lap (it's not very quiet), and getting her put to bed."
J: "Hmmmmm...did she get car sick? Has she done that a lot?"
R: "No. She hasn't thrown up since getting the new car seat."
J: "Oh. Is it snowing there? Is the new Wal Mart close to opening?"

Conversation #2
R: "How are things?"
J: "It's been pretty crazy over here."
R: "What kind of crazy?"
J: "3 men from our base were killed by an IED a few days ago."
R: "Did you know them?"
J: "Yep. One of them was the Chief of Staff of the base, and I had meetings with him twice a week. I had to go help recover the vehicles after it happened."
R: "Wow. Was it hard?"
J: "Really hard."

As you can see, we don't have a way to fully understand what the other person is going through. It's probably like this for most people in a marriage to some extent, but our lives are soooooooo different from each other that it's even more challenging right now. We sympathize with each other in our "trials," but we'll never fully understand what each other has gone through during this past year. It's one of those times when we've both grown and learned in our own ways--the ways our Heavenly Father intended. We have grown as a couple as well: we have a new respect for the other person, their strengths and courage; we have a new appreciation of together time, and we have gotten to know each other on a completely different level, simply because our only methods of communication are verbal and written conversation (which doesn't allow for "dead air" time or time together without talking). We both agree this deployment kicked some life and love back into our marriage after having a baby and unintentionally neglecting our relationship for a few months. Nevertheless, the majority of growth and learning has been individual. Somehow we still always find at least an hour and a half's worth of things to talk about when we get online; I think that's a testament to our friendship and relationship with each other. But right now we are both feeling that it's time for this to be over, and time to be able to relate to each other again. I always feel awkward not knowing how to respond correctly to something he's either gone through or is working on (a lot of times it goes over my head), and it's challenging not having him know how to respond to a difficult, exhausting day with a toddler. I don't know what it's like to be a deployed soldier, and he doesn't know what it's like to be a single mom. We never will. But the best part is that I do know how to LOVE a deployed soldier, and he definitely knows how to LOVE a single mom. We may not "get" each other right now, but as long as there is enough love, we'll be ok for another month.

IN A RUT

I'm not quite sure why, but lately I'm in a rut. Maybe that's not the right word to describe what I'm feeling. I feel as though I need to start over and fresh with a few things, but don't quite know how to get up and running. January 1st is supposed to plant all that knowledge and desire into our bodies for us, but for some reason it came and went, leaving me feeling like December 31st--the night before everything is going to change and get better.

I'm doing really well; nothing in my life is crashing down or even depressing. I'm just at an in-between phase where things aren't as good as they have been, but aren't as bad as they have been either. So...I want to nip it all in the bud and head toward the good times before I continue on and inadvertantly run into the bad times. For example, I was really toned and in shape during Josh's leave. Every morning I'd get up and walk about 4 miles in the surrounding neighborhoods, and up in the hills. It was a GREAT workout, and I LOVED being outside! Then I'd come home and do some sit-ups and call it good. Now everything has softened up a bit. Plus I don't have a tan anymore! I don't think the weight gain has been large, but I'm at the point where if it doesn't start heading back the other way, I'm going to go up a size in like 5 days! :) The weather is freezing, and I really miss being able to use that as a workout. Getting to the gym, fitting it into Annabelle's schedule between naps and meals is challenging, and the times I have gone have been hard for her and I've gotten called down to the child center because she's crying. Josh bought me a few exercise DVD's for Christmas, along with some resistance bands, because I was complaining about not being able to exercise. So now...the goal is to use it, and make the most of it until I can get back outside and/or have consistency at the gym. Goal number 1: Use the DVD's and bands! After all, Josh is coming home real soon, I gotta look good!

I really want to organize my house, and decorate the office. But, I think I might need to get a storage unit because everytime I try to begin a cleaning/organizing project I just feel like I'm just moving things from one room to another, and not accomplishing ANYTHING! Then I feel defeated and give up. Goal number 2: Get everything boxed up, and take it to a storage unit! Then...buy a new desk and chair for the office!

Annabelle seems to be having difficulty napping. She is still on the 2-nap schedule, but I'm worried she's moving more toward the 1-nap schedule. Is it too early??? I need some input from all the mothers out there! She is 16 months old. When did you all ditch the 2nd nap? Plus she has only about 2-3 words, and the nurse said she should have 5-10. Now I'm constantly stressing about her not getting enough stimulation etc. So...her schedule seems to be in limbo--an in-between phase--which is adding to my feeling of in-between-ness. Everyday seems to go a bit differently, depending on what is/isn't happening during her "normal" naptimes. Goal number 3: Decide once and for all whether she's going to have 1 or 2 naps, and get a schedule going again!

Josh will be coming home soon (I can't give specifics). I'm worried that I've forgotten how to be a wife. I haven't cooked in a year; I certainly haven't had to "get ready" for anyone if I don't want to; I've made every decision for Annabelle since she was 5 months old (yes I talk to Josh about stuff ALL the time, but I'm still the only implementer). I've become more of a woman and less of a woman at the same time, if that's possible to comprehend. I can take care of the cars, take out my own trash, lift heavy things, change the vacuum belt, unplug the disposal, put together shelves, pack up and take a vacation with my baby, pay all the bills, and even hold back tears at times! And at the same time I haven't had the ability to hug and kiss my husband when he's having a hard day; I haven't had dinner ready when he's "home from work;" I haven't made time in my schedule for meeting him for lunch; I've been a single parent to Annabelle, and I haven't left room in the DVR for what he wants to watch! To make a long story short, I am so excited he is going to be home soon, yet I feel a life-change is right around the corner, and I hope I can be good at it. Goal number 3: Talk about all of these emotions in detail as much as possible with Josh, and try to take it one day at a time.

I have a few get-togethers I've been in the process of planning, but I haven't resumed the planning from early December. I think that's when I was last motivated :) I LOVE spending time with my friends and family! And I have the GREATEST cousins in the world, so I've been trying to plan a reunion-type thing so we can all talk and stay connected. Goal number 4: Send emails to friends and family to get these events going!!

Lastly, I haven't been to my ward in like 5 weeks! Why is it always so hard to go back if you miss even 1 week?! Annabelle and I were on a good routine before December. We were practicing quiet time at home, and we had like 3 great weeks in a row at church. Then we got off schedule, and I went to a couple different wards here and there with family, and now we're back to square one. I've been dreading going back because I'm afraid she won't behave, and I'll be embarrassed. Goal number 5: Just go back, start practicing quiet time again, and realize that LOTS of other mothers feel the same way!

Ok...I think that's enough for now. Whew! At least the new year gets us thinking about things we need to change, even if it doesn't get us quite motivated enough to start! Ha ha :)

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone! I never intended to include blogging in my Christmas break, but somehow it got thrown in there, and I took a huge break :) Now I have the not-so-small task of condensing a few weeks into one post, without writing a novel. The best news to report is that Annabelle is finally WALKING!! She definitely took her time--she is 16 months old tomorrow! She is as cute as a button when she walks--I LOVE it! No more crawling around, ruining every dress and pair of pants she owns! This past Sunday my niece, Daisy, was blessed. It was the first time Annabelle got to walk into church in her dress, and I thought it was the cutest thing in the entire world. Ok...on to some highlights!

*Christmas was WONDERFUL! I spent Christmas Eve with Josh's family at his parents' house. It was so fun, and I am so lucky to have them as in-laws. Olivia and Annabelle are beginning to play very well together! Annabelle LOVED her gifts, and had SO much fun! Josh's parents, Nikki and Eric, Jenn and Scott, and Kristy and Aaron were all there, and we laughed a ton, ate a yummy dutch dinner, opened great presents, played games, and TALKED to JOSH! I actually got to talk to him about 4 times throughout Christmas Eve and Christmas, which was so great. He got me some new perfume, some at-home toning/workout stuff, and a new sewing machine (yes...I wanted it)! I'm going to learn how to sew; my 1st project is going to be curtains for the office. I slept over at my parents' house that night, and woke up Christmas morning with my whole family. We opened presents and ate yummy sausage and egg casserole, and hung out the whole day. So relaxing. The next day my mom, Brittany and I went shopping and found some great sales!

*Annabelle went sledding for the 1st time! She didn't so much like the hill, but she liked being pulled down the road :)

*I've done a few home projects: cleaned the house, put up a new shelf in Annabelle's room, completed the laundry, added a picture in the hall, and organized a toy closet. However, Christmas is still up :)

*I'm slowly getting my mom interested in The Hills :) My most guilty pleasure for sure!

*Daisy was blessed! She was so cute, and received a wonderful blessing. She wanted to keep to herself most of the day, and cried whenever she came close to sensing a group of people--so funny :) I got to see and talk to Kristi and Mike (great friends), so that was fun too.

*I spent New Year's Eve with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. Josh called right when it turned midnight for him; he left a message giving me a New Year's kiss, and told me he was calling me from "the future." He went on and on about how great it was, and how much I was going to like it, etc. It cracked me up! It was probably the only time I was glad I missed the call, because the message was so funny and cute.

Now on to the New Year! For the past 2 years I have tried to NOT make resolutions about my weight. I love being healthy and active. If my weight does begin to be a problem, it usually isn't a motivational issue. So hopefully this year I can be a better person in a lot of ways: a better friend, a better example, a better and more patient mother, a better wife (hey, at least my husband will be in the same state this year), and a better sister. I really miss hanging out with friends, and I hope with Josh coming home soon that I can have a few more girls nights and relief society activities. I hope all of you had a happy new year, and are excited for 2009!