Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Miss You Grandma!

On September 21st, my grandma passed away. She is known affectionately as "Smith" in our family because "Great Grandma Smith" just never stuck with Annabelle and Paige. Paige decided "Great Grandma Smith" would be "Smith," and it just so happened that "Smith" LOVED this cute new nickname!

I have been close to Smith ever since I can remember. She spent my childhood living in Pocatello, ID, but my family visited frequently. Surprisingly I was just as close to my Pocatello cousins as those living in Utah (my cousins lived right next door to Smith). Some of my favorite memories of Smith during my childhood years include:

Christmas mornings in her basement with all my cousins. When we woke up Christmas morning, the pile of presents was massive! It was such a sight, and I loved it. Smith was great at sewing, and I remember one Christmas she made all the granddaughters "Quillows"-- a "Pillow" that turned into a blanket. I can't imagine how long she must've worked on those--12 Granddaughters!

Raiding her downstairs freezer for big ziploc baggies full of chocolate chip cookies! All us grandkids have such great memories of these cookies! Every time we went to grandma's, there were cookies, even up until her last day. I'm sitting here crying thinking about those Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies that were sitting on her counter the day she passed away. She also kept boxes of Ding-Dongs and Hostess Cupcakes on hand all the time. These too were frozen from time-to-time, or sitting out on the counter, expired :) The Relief Society made my family sack lunches after the funeral; tucked in each one was a Hostess Cupcake--so thoughtful.

Eating breakfast at the kitchen bar. Smith always made toast and had an entire cupboard filled with good cereal. I used to get my bowl, and then open the silverware drawer with great anticipation, hoping to see a clean Pluto spoon--everyone loved those silver Disney spoons!

Walking down the hallway within minutes of arriving to see all the new pictures of my cousins, aunts and uncles. Smith always had the most recent school pictures of all her grandkids framed in her hall. I loved seeing everyone's cute pictures. She truly loved her family so much, and everyone thought they were her favorite!

Her Hot Pink blow dryer, Avon face cream and Aqua Net hairspray. I would always sneak up to her bathroom and "borrow" these items. She always smelled so good! My mom once wore that same Avon face cream, and when she went in to kiss Brady goodnight, he said, "Are you Grandma?" :) He recognized the smell immediately!

Extended-Stay Summer visits! Each Summer, we would get to spend a week at her house. It was our week to have all of grandma's attention, including a trip to the mall. We loved it, and it was definitely one of the summer's highlights.

Sunday dinners. Between her amazing cooking skills and Grandpa's novel-length prayers, there was enough good food and entertainment for an hour! I especially loved one prayer in which Grandpa blessed that we would travel home safely, then proceeded to recite our exact full address :)

Dancing in the basement on the fireplace to music playing in her large yellow boombox, lighting provided by her "spotlight" lamp. She loved to watch me and my cousins dance. We danced in her basement, in her front yard, and at our family reunion every year. She would also travel to Utah to watch our performances and competitions. When my family entered her "TV room" for a blessing shortly after her death, that yellow boombox sat on the floor in a corner, and that same lamp sat on her desk. So many wonderful memories, yet so unbelievably sad at the same time.

The "Twin Beds." I remember lying in one of the twin beds at night, covered by an electric blanket and a second, homemade quilt, listening to the sound of a passing train in the complete darkness. The blankets smelled wonderful, just like her! We always slept so good. When multiple cousins were there, we always tried to "Call" the twin beds. I have one of those blankets on my bed now, and I can still smell her.

Playing House in the orchard. Smith had a large orchard next to her house. We would all go out and choose our "rooms," then rake and clean those rooms. We spent hours out there!

When I went to Ricks College, Brittany and I would often go to Smith's for the weekend, and would always stop in if we were traveling all the way home--most of my roommates knew her :)

She would offer to give you anything in her house if you showed an interest :) I remember several times asking about a book I saw on her coffee table, or a book she was currently reading. She would always say, "You should take it with you." One time I was just trying to have a conversation w/ her about her current book, and she wouldn't let me leave without it...even though she wasn't even finished. "I can finish it any time..." :)

After my Grandpa passed away she moved to Utah. She lived 7 minutes from my mom, which was MUCH, MUCH better! It's funny because even though it was sad to have her leave that house in Pocatello, Grandma's house still felt like Grandma's house! The only exception was that she now had to lock her door :) Each time I entered her house, I saw the cross-stitched pillow hanging on the wall: "There's No Place like Grandma's." I was always greeted by a "Come in, sit down, how are you?" Shortly after that she would ask if I was hungry or thirsty. It's funny because I often said no, but would always make my way over to the corner of her kitchen that had all the twinkies, Hostess Cupcakes and Ding Dongs. Why did I ever say no? I remember telling Brittany once that no matter what diet I was trying to adhere to, I couldn't leave grandma's without eating some Hostess product--I just had to!

I have had the amazing opportunity to be close to her my entire life, and thankfully I have been able to see more of her since she moved here. I frequently spent time with her on Fridays--"Hair Day." My mom, sister and I (and kids) would wait for her while she got her hair done, then we'd take her grocery shopping. After shopping, we'd pick a Drive-thru and meet back at her place to eat. I always felt good after a visit to her house, like there was no better way to spend my time. And I always left thinking, "I need to come here even more often."

On the morning of September 21st, Brittany called to tell me that she had passed away, that my mom had found her and was at her house with the paramedics. It was devastating. Smith had been fine, my mom had just seen her, made her dinner and watched a little TV w/ her the night before. It was a total shock. Josh came home from work so I could leave, and I went to be with my family. It was one of the hardest days I can remember: Driving to her house, knowing she wouldn't be inside, walking inside and not hearing her voice, standing in her house but not feeling her presence, seeing all her food left in the fridge, her coats and clothes left in the closets, her bed where she last lay, and the empty pink chair--the absolute worst sight ever. I immediately missed her SO much, and would've given anything to see or hear her again. My dad gave my mom an amazing blessing that I will never forget, and my family experienced such a sadness (and powerful witness) that I will also never forget. We spent the remainder of the day crying. The nexy day as we were leaving Smith's, Annabelle said "Bye Smith," and it broke my heart. When we took Annabelle into the viewing, it was such a sweet/sad experience. She immediately recognized her, and then whispered "Night Night Smith." She thanked her for all the candy, told her she loved her and blew her a kiss, and everything she said was in a whisper. She still talks about Smith in Heaven, that she's night-night with her "Princess Veil." Tonight she even asked me to "pray for Smith." I can honestly say that she was the woman (her and my mom) that I look up to the most in my life. I have been blessed to know her, to have her in my life and in Annabelle's life, and to have been close to her. She is definitely the most righteous woman I know, and was always such an amazing example to me. She embodied love and service, and everyone who knew her will tell you the same. She is missed terribly, and my only hope is that I can honor her by adopting her attributes to become a better person.

Her funeral was extremely sad, but beautiful. All the memories and stories were wonderful. She made such a remarkable impact on all her children and grandchildren, as well as those she served in the church and community. I know she had imperfections, but she will always be perfect to me--the perfect grandma! It is still hard to believe she is gone, though I will see her again. I still feel her close to me, and I still try to convince myself she's sitting in her pink chair when I drive by her house. I still believe her home will always be there, though it will soon be sold. I so wish Annabelle could've continued to get to know her, which I guess is why I'm writing this novel post! But I know she's happy; I know she's moved on; I know I'll see her again, and I know I am and will be a better person for having her in my life.

Leota Thomas Smith 1914 ~ 2009 Leota Thomas Smith, 95, passed away September 21, 2009 at her home in Bluffdale, Utah.She was born July 4, 1914 in Malad City, Idaho to David Dredge Thomas and Sarah Claudia Richards Thomas. She was the oldest of four children. She graduated high school in Malad and attended one year at Utah Agriculture College in Logan, Utah. On September 19, 1935 she married Samuel Wayne Smith in the Salt Lake City Temple. They were happily married for 66 years at the time of her husband's death. Leota loved being involved in church and community service. She was a long time member of the University Park Daughters of Utah Pioneers and was a member of the Pocatello Literary Club. She was an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and held numerous positions. She was Relief Society President; Stake Young Women's President and organized the first library in the Pocatello 6th Ward. Leota was a gifted gardner and loved her roses and other flowering plants. Her talent for quilting and sewing were unmatched. She loved music and loved to play her piano and organ, but only privately. She was a great cook, and was known for her homemade chicken noodle soup. Leota is survived by her children: Sharon Lee Smith Gustavson of Titusville, PA; Kathryn Annette Smith Miller of Pocatello, ID; Scott Wayne Smith (Allyn) of Pocatello, ID; Wendy Sue Smith Nielsen, of Bluffdale, UT; Kristine Kay Smith Nielsen (Anders) of Riverton, UT; 21 grandchildren, 37 great-grandchildren. Leota is preceded in death by her husband, Samuel Wayne Smith, her parents David Dredge Thomas, and Sarah Claudia Richards Thomas, her brothers Grant Thomas and Maurice Thomas and sister Maurine Thomas Hughes West, and by an infant daughter, Gaylyn Smith. Leota was loved by many and will be missed! She left a great legacy of good works and selfless service.

"A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says
She is gone.
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large now as when I last saw her.
Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.
And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are
watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout-
There she comes!"

Bye Smith;
We Love You!!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What Did You Ever Do Without Me?

I am officially beginning Annabelle's book! It's a little book I picked up in Montana titled "Mom: Tell Me Your Story." The pages are filled with simple questions and lots of open space for writing. I have decided to include some of these entrys on my blog, with the intention of printing it out for her one day. So...here we go :)

"Before I was Born, What Did You Ever Do Without Me?"

Now that you are what seems to be my whole world, I almost can't even remember my life without you! Your dad and I have been married for only 3 short years, but it feels like a lifetime (in a good way of course)! I remember people telling me when I was pregnant that once I had this little baby, I would never wish to go back to the times when I was single, dating, or even married without a child. These little pearls of wisdom were probably the most accurate words of "advice" and encouragement I received throughout my entire pregnancy. Even now when I look back on wedding and dating photos, I feel that something is missing. How can Josh and I appear to be so complete and so in love, when so much was still waiting in the wings (or in heaven) to come down to us? Your ability to love will increase one hundred fold when you bring a baby into your lives--I don't know how it happens, but it does! Even better? It doesn't stop growing once they're here; it continues to grow, and to amaze you all the time.

So, now that you know how much my life has changed since having you, I'm sure you've guessed that what I did before having you pales in comparison :) I spent my 20's figuring out who I wanted to be as a woman. I moved away from home to attend school and dance. While there, I dated the guys who would not turn out to be "The One," and got in silly arguments with my roommates (Kristine and I used the phone too much, we had too many blenders on the counter, etc.). I spent about 32 hours per week in the dance studio--loved it and hated it all at the same time. But, when all was said and done I loved it and came back to it. I had some GREAT times with my best friends: Kristi, Kristine, Adrienne, Sarah and Brittany (yes, your Aunt). I made a lot of lists, both for entertainment and practical purposes. I slowly began to find myself after I was dumped flat on my back side by a guy who was SHORTER than me! Josh could eat that guy for lunch, but I cried for 3 months when he dumped me! Such a waste of emotion, although that partiular event sent me into the greatest year I had ever had--22!! Something clicked at 22, and I began caring for myself better, and gaining confidence. I changed my major to English, began excelling in my classes, started exercising, and found a sense of self that felt right. I worked at Discover Card, met lots of new friends, finished up my degree at BYU, and performed pretty well at my job. During this time, I confess to reading LOTS of magazines! I just loved them for some reason, and they were easy to flip through at my desk :) Josh and I became friends, dated, broke up, dated, got married, moved into a 700-square foot apartment, and got pregnant 3 months after getting married. All I can remember about the next 9 months are visions of Josh sitting at the computer doing homework while I sat on the couch reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "What To Eat When You're Expecting," while elevating my swollen feet!

I used to sit and daydream about what you'd look like, about the kind of mother I'd want to be, about what shade of Pink I would decorate your room, about how I couldn't wait to be done with the working world to be a mom. But all of my daydreams were based on my imagination, and not even my imagination could conceive what you would be and bring into my life. You are more adorable than I ever imagined; the kind of mother I want to be has grown and evolved with practice and experience; your room is purple; I am still working 24/7, but it is work that lifts me up and puts a smile on my face.

"I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
Than twine a chain of diamonds about my carefree head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise."
--Meredith Gray, from "The Beauty of Motherhood"

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Tinkerbell is Waiting...

Annabelle has developed an ADORABLE obsession over Tinkerbell! This love-fest began very innocently and inadvertently. Josh's brother, "Piete-Piete," bought her the DVD "Sleeping Beauty" for her birthday (because she loves Aurora), but the real gem and soon-to-be favorite Disney character to date lay sweetly tucked inside. It was a promo DVD for "Tinkerbell," with menu options including a sneak-peek of the movie, a trip to Pixie Hollow, a look into the individual lives of Tinkerbell's fairy friends, etc. There was no turning back! She was hooked! She seemed to memorize the movie's events almost instantly, and was recounting them back to me and Josh from sun up to sun down. It was so stinkin cute I've never allowed her so much TV in her little life (we are now slowing it down a bit) :)

This fondness seems to be developing into a little imaginery relationship between herself and the cute, green fairy. On our way home today, we had this little conversation:

Annabelle: Mommy, I hurry!
Me: You have to hurry?
Annabelle: Ya. I hurry. Tinkerbell's waiting!
Me: Tinkerbell is waiting for you?
Annabelle: Ya. Tink. Waiting. I watch her.
Me: Tink?

So cute! She's calling her Tink, and believes in her heart that Tink eagerly waits for her to come home and turn the movie on :)

PS: I don't think anything can prepare you for these little obsession kids get! When we're at Wal-Mart, I sooo wish I could buy her everything Tinkerbell (how cute are those little slippers, PJ's, coloring books, dolls, dress-ups, etc??). When I explain to Annabelle that we can't get those things right now because we "don't have enough money today," I feel like I'm really trying to convince myself to walk away! Just walk away Robyn; she'll be okay without the slippers and the doll...oh, and the lantern that TALKS! Ha ha.