Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was different from previous Thanksgivings. I had planned on having Thanksgiving with my family this year (Josh and I alternate years with our families). I decided I'd pack up and spend the weekend at my parents' house; I didn't really feel like being in an empty house during the holiday! From the moment Annabelle and I woke up on Thanksgiving morning, things felt a little more challenging. However, I was able to get myself and Annabelle ready, pack up 4 day's worth of clothes and essentials, and load up the car on my own. That's quite an accomplishment in and of itself! But almost as soon as we began our drive, Annabelle began fussing--not crying, just whining and fussing. Sometimes I think that happens to be more frustrating than crying :)
We met up with my parents, and headed over to my cousins' house. Annabelle wasn't in a great mood, but I hoped things would change when we got inside. As we approached the door, my mom informed me that neither my sister nor my brother would be joining us for dinner. My heart sank and I felt like crying right on the doorstep. I know it sounds silly, but with Josh being gone I was relying on that sense of security and happiness that being with your family provides. I felt I needed them emotionally. I don't know that I have ever felt that to such a great extent before, and it hit me hard. But I tried to hold it together. We got inside, and it was wonderful to see my aunt Wendy, my grandma, and all my cousins. I love them very much, and I am grateful they invited us to celebrate with them. Annabelle continued to fuss, and when we sat down for dinner I was so occupied with her that I ate only about 6 bites. She was tired and cranky. About this time my mom left to get the pie she had left at home. I don't know why, but I felt like I was at my whit's end. I missed my husband; my daughter was upset; Brittany and Brady weren't there, and now my mom was gone.
I had planned on dropping off Annabelle with Josh's parents for a few hours while I went to a movie with my family, so at this point I just decided to leave a little early so she could sleep in the car for a little while. She fell asleep after only 5 minutes of driving, and I just broke down crying. I missed Josh so much; I missed my family, and I was exhausted. After a while, Brittany called and I cried on the phone to her, complained that I ate only approximately 6 bites, complained that I was out driving aimlessly on Thanksgiving, complained that Josh was gone, complained that I had a headache, etc. etc. Then the time came to drop off Annabelle with Josh's parents--I am so grateful they were willing to help me out! I met my family at the movie theatre, and Brittany had 2 full plates of food for me! So there I was sitting in the lobby of the movie theatre, eating my Thanksgiving dinner. It was delicious, and she makes the BEST pumpkin cheesecake EVER!! Brittany, Brad, my mom, my dad and I all saw "Four Christmases" and I loved it. I was so grateful to be in their company!
After it finished I got into my car and began driving to pick up Annabelle. I was stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light to change. The car in front of me had the BRIGHTEST yellow blinker I've ever seen--it was blinding! In my pathetic, emotional state I started crying again. I wished it would stop blinking in my face; I wished I had some distraction so I wouldn't notice it so much; I wished it would stop making this day feel so much longer. It is strange, but I can vividly remember that yellow blinker making me feel worse--true story! When I got to Josh's parents' house, Josh was on the phone! FINALLY I would get to talk to him. We talked for only a few minutes and then Annabelle started screaming because the dog scared her. I let him go and headed to my mom's. It felt wonderful to get there. My mom always has fresh sheets on the bed, samples of really good hygiene products in the bathroom, a heater and steamer for Annabelle's room, plus more love than you could ever wish to have. I put Annabelle to bed, and Josh called again! I was so grateful to hear his voice. I had been missing him like crazy all day, and I didn't get a chance to say much of anything when he had called earlier. I love him so much, and he actually made me laugh. Here he is over in Afghanistan, away from all of us, the one who is really alone on Thanksgiving, and he's talking about the great feast he had: Ice sculptures, egg nog from a fountain, toasts with the guys, etc. I was grateful people made the effort to make it nice for them--they deserve it! He is great--I love him!
The remainder of the weekend was great. I went to The Gateway's "Light up the Night" with my entire family; we went shopping; we simply hung out together the whole weekend and it was just what I needed. I loved hanging out with my mom after putting Annabelle to bed; I loved shopping around with Brittany, Daisy and Paige; I loved feeling the safety and security of having my dad in the next room. Spending time with family just can't be beat!
I have recently finished Glenn Beck's book, "The Christmas Sweater." In it he says, "What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm...you just have to stop feeding it--stop giving it power over you." I feel as though a deployment during the holidays is somewhat of a storm I am passing through right now. But I don't need to allow it to have power over me; I can see it for what it is and move on. I pray December will pass a little more smoothly, and I will be able to focus only on those things I do have, rather than what is missing.