Heroes

Heroes put others ahead of themselves

Heroes defend those who cannot defend themselves

Heroes make the world a safer place

Heroes serve above reward

Heroes don't know they're heroes

--Author Unknown--

Thanks for being our hero Josh! We Love you!

Love, Robyn and Annabelle

Deployment

Josh left on February 26th of this year for a one-year deployment to Afghanistan. Luckily we are on the downhill side, and have only 5 months remaining! I remember the night Josh told me about this deployment: we were sitting in the living room of our one-bedroom apartment and I was pregnant. He said he had something to tell me, something that he wanted to keep between him and I until he knew more. I knew what was coming; these types of "announcements" don't really spring up on you. Rather, they seem to follow a process of hearsay, hypothetical, possible, probable, imminent. In other words, there had been rumors and talk. It's difficult to explain what I felt, and to be honest it was more of a joint feeling expressed between the two of us. I remember just looking at him, tears filling our eyes, and not saying anything because inside we both knew what the other was feeling, and at least for that night it didn't really need to be discussed at length. The news itself was enough for one night. At this time we didn't know exactly when he would leave. After some time the answers and details began emerging, and thankfully we learned he would not be leaving until Annabelle was five months old. This knowledge brought me peace.
The next few months are a blur. We closed on our home, moved, got everything in order, had a baby and then you know the rest--WHOOSH--the day of deployment was upon us! I do have to mention however that the month leading up to a deployment is tense. I'm sure my army wife friends can attest to this change in dynamics around the house. There is a lot to get done, much to prepare for (mentally, physically, emotionally, even spiritually) and it feels somewhat overwhelming. You know you're going to be separated for a long time and you try to begin preparing yourself for the day.
Josh, Annabelle and I arrived at the National Guard Air Base at about 6am. Both of our families were there to support him. We talked and visited with other soldiers and their families, and took pictures. What an amazing group of men and women--families included. What an honor to be a part of it all. I was so proud of Josh. The time of departure drew near and I felt the weight getting heavier and heavier, but I still attempted to push away the reality of what was happening. We all said our goodbyes and we even stayed to watch the plane take off. A row of officers lined up against the fence to salute them as they took off...an awesome sight!
I was ok. I had made it through the hardest part. Well not exactly! I vividly remember arriving home that afternoon. I got out of the car, got Annabelle out of her car seat, and as I walked to the door I felt like collapsing. I looked at my windows, and the reality of coming home alone with a baby--of coming home alone with a baby for the next 12 months hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried...and then Annabelle cried...and then we cried together pretty much the whole night. I kept apologizing to her for making her upset, and we prayed together in the rocker countless times. I know Heavenly Father was listening to us.
When I woke up the next morning I received an email from the army. It said something to the effect of, "All of us had a rough day and night yesterday, but today is a new day and the sun is shining." I opened all the blinds and the sun was shining. I felt peace; I knew I could get through this, and I knew that many women and children were going through the same thing. I took comfort in that. I realized I was not alone--I had Annabelle with me, I have an amazing family, Josh has an amazing family, and I have my Heavenly Father. What was there to complain about? Nothing. It was ok.
Annabelle and I are doing great. Josh is doing great. His team has been very successful in their missions and in their intel, even to the extent of receiving regional recognition and praise. We are living two different lives, but we are growing. I have learned so much about myself as a wife and a mother: my limits, my priorities and my parenting style to name a few. I have learned to take life one day at a time, to be grateful for the here and now, to wish for nothing more than what I have today. And what I have today is a lot of love, a family, a home, true friends, health, a beautiful baby and the knowledge that if everything ends today, life will still go on, and we'll still be just as happy.

"Wartime was full of sacrifices, fear, panic, pain, and hardships, but it was also a time of vivid memories, learning, and growth, because real learning often happens only in times of hardship." Jutta Baum Busche

Motherhood

This week felt a bit like life in the fast lane! Didn't I say I wanted to slow down? As my friend Kristine says, "life never really does slow down, does it?" It changes, but it doesn't slow down. Well, everyone who has a child understands just how quickly life can pass you by. One day they're coming home from the hospital, the next day they're turning one, eating chocolate and tearing the house apart! :) I wish I could stop time! I would stay here forever...assuming Josh could be here, of course.
When I was pregnant I don't remember ever being in a huge hurry to have Annabelle; I wasn't the typical "get this baby out of me now" mother-to-be...except at Brady's wedding when my huge, swollen feet forced me to walk down the aisle in flip-flops! :) Nevertheless I knew that as soon as she got here I'd be asking, "Why was I in such a rush?" However now that Annabelle is here, and has filled my life with such joy, I'm asking, "Why did I wait so long to enter this phase of life?" It's amazing, even with all of the ups and downs! With time speeding along and a growing baby in my house, I am feeling perhaps the strongest desire of all--wanting to be there for every second. I love seeing her face and hearing her "talk" first thing in the morning; I love sitting her on my lap to read, and seeing which books will top the favorites and which will be slammed shut without getting through one page; I love watching her throw things over and over again; I love watching her eat her dinner with her hands; I love all of her fake laughs during lunch; I love her loves and kisses (yes, even the slobbery ones); I love seeing her sleep with her little bum sticking straight up in the air, and I love how she makes me a better person, more aware of myself in every way.
So my question is what can I give her in return for all she gives me? Of course I can be there for her; I can feed her; I can read to her; I can play with her and talk to her. But more importantly I can be an example to her. With so much negativity in the world today, it seems a positive attitude is hard to find. While I was reading a talk this week by Jenene Wolsey Baadsgaard, a statement jumped out at me: "I am the only one who can give my children a mother who loves life, no matter what . . . Life as it really is--even not at its best--is downright amazing." I don't think we can underestimate the value of a positive attitude. It is something so simple, yet extremely powerful. Baadsgaard went on to tell a story about how she was seven months pregnant with her third child, and began bleeding during the night. She and her husband rushed to the hospital, only to find out their baby had died. She states, "Leaving the hospital that night with empty arms was one of the hardest things I've ever done. When we arrived home, we found our two baby daughters asleep on our bed. Now, I'd always loved my daughters but never quite as I did at that moment. 'Thank you God,' I whispered. 'They are alive. It is such a miracle to have a child who is alive.'" I was amazed she found something to be grateful for during such a tragic experience. She helped me remember to always focus on what is good and most important, even when it's hard, even when time is speeding along. I'll close with one more quote from her story. She says, "But in time my children...will not require my constant care, and our mutual growing season in my home will have passed all too quickly." I hope I can keep the message of this story with me this week, that I'll remember what a blessing it is to be a mother, to have a baby in my home, and to have the opportunity to be an influence for good in her life.

A New Direction

With the first six months of deployment now behind us, I feel like now is the perfect time to stop and reflect, head "A New Direction." The past six months have passed surprisingly quickly! I imagine that has everything to do with raising Annabelle and keeping busy, as opposed to having a member of our family out of the country in harm's way. I'm quite certain if Annabelle were not here, each day would feel unbearably long, and the past six months would have felt like a year! Yet another reason to be thankful for Annabelle :) She and I have had a lot of fun together: We have seen neat things together; we have been new places and old places together; we have shopped, played, ate, danced, sang, laughed, walked, prayed, and even cried together. Notice how I didn't say we've cooked together--I'm on a one-year hiatus! There's always time for that next year :) I have been getting accustomed to life as a single mom, learning simultaneously how strong and weak I am--amazed by both!
As I look back to the past six months I realize I've made some great memories, captured some great moments. When Josh returned to Afghanistan I felt down. I was sad of course, but it was more of a lull and lack of motivation, not looking forward to "getting back to normal life." Then I thought, "maybe life doesn't have to go back to 'normal' as I have known it the past six months." Perhaps it will head A New Direction. As I look ahead to the next six months I realize I'd like to make some great memories, capture some great moments, and I'd also like to slow down. Sure there are a few things I'd like to get done before Josh gets home, and of course I don't plan on stopping workouts, but most importantly I'd like to get back down to the basics. What does that mean? Well I'm still figuring it out, but I think it means more journaling, more time at home, more prayer, more books, more serving, and hopefully more growth as a woman and mother.
In other news: Annabelle turned 1! It's like the primary song says, "One year older and wiser too..." She's definitely a clever one! She loves to talk, and is progressing quite quickly with her language. She also loves to play "Fetch." She throws whatever object is nearest to her, and then crawls to it...only to throw it again. My personal favorite is when she accidentally throws it behind her and nervously looks straight up as though it's still in the air about to crash down on her. Very cute! She is currently in the 95th percentile for her height, and the 20th percentile for her weight. If any of you have been seeking evidence of Josh's DNA...there you go! :)

The Beginning...

At last I've jumped on the bandwagon of blogging. Why not earlier, you ask? Well it's quite simple: There can't possibly be enough people that interested in our family that it warrants creating our own website. Nevertheless one of my good friends showed me by example how blogging can be used for journaling purposes, in addition to serving as a place for friends and family to get a glimpse into our life together...apart. Josh and I are both lovers of the written word, and have utilized it quite frequently during our relationship! From random email communication to hand-written letters to Instant Messaging while apart, we've been all over the map! I am excited to be able to write more frequently, while at the same time keeping family and friends updated on our happenings here and abroad!
Josh and I have been married for 2 years, and we have a fiesty, high-maintenance, funny, beautiful, perfect daughter Annabelle. Josh was deployed to Afghanistan in Feb. 2008 and will be returning in Feb. 2009. I have always loved, loved, loved the US Military and I'm so proud of Josh's service to our country. It's not a walk in the park being a "single parent," but with every trial comes blessings, and I have been abundantly blessed during our time apart. I have my own army of helpers, ready and willing anytime they're needed :) And of course I have the blessing of being married to a man who is fighting for our country.
Since having Annabelle last September I have enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom. There hasn't been a day when I have missed "work," and I think I was probably meant to be in this role. At least that's how it feels. This past August I began teaching children's creative dance for a local performing arts studio. I get to teach ages 18 mos.-5 yrs. old and it's fun to see and experience so many different personalities! Josh says it's all training for when Annabelle reaches those ages :) I teach 4 hrs./wk and it makes for a nice hobby.
Josh was just home for 2 weeks in August and we had so much fun! We took off to Park City for 5 days with Annabelle, and we did some shopping, played at The UT Olympic Park, rode the gondola, watched an ariel ski show, and ordered in while watching the olympics on TV. We also went on a couple hikes to Timpanogos Cave and Lake Blanche. We love to hike! Josh and I also took the opportunity to spend a little bit of time alone, and we headed up to The Canyons Resort to celebrate my birthday--the big 3-0! I'll be honest though...I never imagined 30 feeling so great! Ha ha :)
Now we've returned to normalcy as we know it right now. Josh has arrived back in Afghanistan, and Annabelle and I are making the most of the beautiful Fall weather! We are looking forward to getting another baby in the family next month--Brittany and Brad will be having a baby girl! I can't wait to meet her :)