The Tulip Festival

Last Saturday at the Tulip Festival (Thanksgiving Point), the company girls I teach had an opportunity to perform! They did so great, and I was so proud of them! I LOVE dance SO much! I loved being a part of it growing up, in high school, and in college--the opportunities I had, and the friends I made will be with me forever! I wish I could be 16 again, and do it all over again...just focusing on dance though, and not having to entertain other diversions such as boys, classes, jobs, etc. :)

It is definitely different being on the flip side of it all--teaching. But I have loved it! There are weeks when I feel that maybe it's too demanding (i.e. when I have choreography to do), yet when I see how much the girls have grown, and how fast, it feels so rewarding and fulfilling inside. Teaching dance is like having all the fun and great aspects of dance without the pressure :) Nevertheless there are still moments and days when I miss being up on the stage so much I want to cry!

When I stopped dancing after 2 years at BYU, I was ready to walk away. I was burned out physically, emotionally, mentally! I couldn't have cared less whether I stepped in a dance studio again, and I simply quit thinking of it as a part of me. There was a chain reaction of events and teachers which, unfortunately, turned me away from it all. Now that I look back, I wonder why I allowed them access into my dreams, into my confidence, and into my head. I still don't regret my decision to walk away at that point, and to change my major--it was the right decision for me. However now that I look back on it all, and now that I am back in the studio dancing, I realize that NONE of the reasons I walked away were related to dance at all. I never stopped loving dance, and I want to kick myself for allowing a few years to go by without spending any time in the studio.

The decision to begin teaching dance was the best decision I made last year. I feel that I have found a part of myself that was missing, and it makes me so happy. When I'm in the studio dancing with the girls, I feel like Robyn :) I feel like myself, the person I was before I was married, before I was a mom, before I had a job. It feels amazing to blast the music, dance until I sweat, and pass along the things I've been taught to an amazingly adorable, kind-hearted, genuine, talented and fun group of girls. I have developed a love for each and every one of them, including my 3 and 4-year old students :) They lift my spirits, and help me feel that I have something to give back for all those years I was taking, taking, taking. I know with all my heart I am in the right place at the right time, with the right people. I am so thankful to be able to do what I love again! I am so thankful that Josh, my mom, and Heather are willing to help me out so I can do this! Thank you!

Smart Beef and Random Ramblings

The past few weeks have been so busy! Life just keeps passing by so quickly! It's like being on a road trip, looking out the window at everything passing you by, and not being able to stop. At times you think, "Hey...that place looks cool, I'd love to get out and walk around for a few minutes." Or, "That restaurant looks yummy, but I don't have time to sit down and eat, and I've gotta keep driving...probably through a Drive-thru!" I am starting to feel too busy, too rushed. I'm getting by ok, and I think I'm fitting everything in, but there's no time left for relaxing or reading. Napping is so far in the distant past I can barely remember what the word means! I know most of us feel like this; maybe this is the life of a wife and mom, and I'm just now figuring it out :) At any rate, I am going to cut back on a few commitments beginning in June--I know it's the right thing to do.

Annabelle is in the CUTEST phase ever! I LOVE that girl SO much! She is beginning to talk and communicate, and it's awesome :) I hate that time is passing so quickly because I want to cherish these days, and somehow make them last twice as long as physically possible. She wakes up in the morning saying, "Mommy! Yummy! Yummy!" I love it. This little girl has changed my life for the good in countless ways. She makes me want to be a better person each and every day, and knowing that she is beginning to model speech and behavior makes me even more aware of the things I say and do. Her vocabulary is growing fast, and some of her favorite words are: Hat, cat, yummy, Jesus, bye bot (bye bye), hi, mommy, daddy, papa, mimi (Minnie), shoe shoe (shoes), juice and cheese :) She loves to act silly, make funny faces, make "Annabelle Sandwiches" (Josh and I hold her between us and squeeze, yelling "Annabelle Sandwich!") She laughs and laughs, and tries to lean backwards into Josh so we'll do it again :) And she loves nursery! As soon as she's free in the hall after Sacrament meeting, she takes off running and knows right where to go :) I love peeking in on her, seeing her eating her little snack, chasing bubbles, dumping water down her dress, laughing at the girl trying to teach them to fold their arms :) She's got so much personality and life that I am constantly inspired and amazed by her. It's so funny how little things like seeing her fold her arms, or blow a kiss, or yell for me to come in and pick up her blankie can make me feel so happy and fulfilled.

I read an article on Yahoo tonight titled something like, "Study Finds that Kids Hurt Marital Happiness." WHAT?! I actually started to cry when I read it. How messed up is this world going to get?! It's baffling! I guess I can't speak for all of you, but Annabelle has only deepened our happiness. I cannot imagine life without her; I would never want to! I know we may not get a ton of date nights or free time, but the trade-off is well worth it. The article saddened me; it saddens me because there are people out there (people who were included in the research) who truly believe that their children made their marriages worse :( So sad.

On a lighter note, I had a REALLY embarrassing moment yesterday! I was going grocery shopping and Josh sent me a text, asking me to pick up a few things for him. Well, he uses predictive text and things don't always say what he thinks they say. He asked me to pick up some Smart Beef. What??? Smart Beef??? I'm not a cook, so I just figured I hadn't heard of it before. I walked up and down that deli counter 4 times, then back to the actual deli meat/cheese aisle where I spent another 5 minutes. Finally I went back to the deli counter and asked the kind employee, "Excuse me, where can I find the smart beef?" He looked at me for a sec, then said, "Uhhh...I've never heard of smart beef; I actually don't think it exists." "Hmmm...ok." I was about to go ask another employee when it hit me that it should've said "roast beef!" So embarrassing! :)

A New Reality

WOW! It's been FOREVER! Josh came home from Afghanistan, we headed to Vegas, he had 2 weeks off before heading back to work, and after all of that I was REALLY behind on my lesson planning and choreography for the studio! Our family is settled back into a normal routine now, which feels surprisingly nice.

The day he came home was hectic, and I ended up missing him getting off the plane :( Their plane was supposed to arrive at 5:45am (in Salt Lake), but they arrived even earlier than that! I pulled into the parking lot at 5:30, and he was already off the plane, looking around :( We finally found each other in the throngs of people, and it was VERY exciting! I wish I could've been there to see him get off the plane (it's very cool), so I still feel sad about that. It's my opinion that the military should've made them wait on the plane until 5:45 (since that's the time they gave all of the families). LOTS of people missed it (including his parents and sister and brother-in-law)! :( Oh well right?! At least he's HOME!

He and I headed to Vegas for 4 days, and it was so fun and relaxing! We stayed at The Wynn, slept in really late (like 9am!), sat in the hot tub in the morning, rode the roller coaster at New York New York, watch a few water shows at The Bellagio, ate good food, shopped, and saw the Cirque du Soleil show at the MGM Grand--KA. Josh and I LOVE the shows in Vegas, and we always try to go to at least one while we're there. Our favorite show so far is La Reve, which coincidentally plays at The Wynn. So AMAZING! KA is currently our 2nd favorite. One other thing we enjoy is watching people :) While waiting an hour to be seated at a restaurant, we sat on a bench in a high traffic area at the New York New York hotel, and watched people. It was great fun :)

I LOVE traveling with Josh; we always have a good time. He always lets people go ahead of him when it's a crowded situation; he helps other people with their bags on shuttles; he always tries to carry my stuff, as well as his; he insists I wear his jacket when I don't have mine; he makes me feel safe, and he is insanely patient! It was SO nice not having to be the one "in charge." :) Not that he's in charge of me, but I can just relax and have fun when I'm with him, and I know he's got my back. One night we were walking to our car in a parking garage, and he had to run back inside to get something. All of the sudden I felt scared and vulnerable, and right then I realized how much his presence reassures and comforts me--just his presence! Now that I think about it, I should've just walked back in with him! :)

We had a great time, and I'm sure we'll be visiting again soon :) But it was so wonderful seeing Annabelle again! I missed her SO much, and I'm sure she was wondering whether we were coming back for her at all. It took her about an hour before she was warmed up to us, but then it was just like old times :) She LOVES having a daddy, and he is wrapped around her finger :)

My classes at the studio are going really well. I love all of my students so much, and they bring a lot of love and happiness to my life! The older girls are improving, and the younger girls are learning at a faster pace this semester, which is good! I've been so busy with all the classes, but luckily I'm still gone only 10 hours/week. The tough part is the choreography and lesson planning, which I have to do at home. It always becomes worth it when I'm in class, watching them dance, but it's hard to have that perspective when I'm at home, wanting to watch TV and relax (as opposed to dancing in my living room) :)

Quite honestly, I feel pretty exhausted. The past 3 weeks have been busier than I ever expected, and I'm trying to learn how to be a mom, wife, and teacher all at the same time, while trying to squeeze in a little time for myself. I started teaching dance after Josh left for Afghanistan, so I'm new at juggling all 3! I keep making a goal to get up at 7 everyday, in order to have a little while to plan and get a head start on my day before Annabelle gets up, but so far I haven't quite been able to do it; I am NOT a morning person! I do believe a little organization goes a LONG way, so I'm hoping with more planning It'll feel less chaotic. I am looking forward to this next week, and hoping I can get more consistency going for our family.

I also had a follow-up appt. with my cardiologist (related to my hospital madness) and everything looks good. My blood pressure is still low, and I get dizzy pretty frequently when I stand up, but he believes my body is still trying to recover from the E-Coli virus, as well as all the differents meds I was on. I guess it takes a while for the body to normalize itself after something like that. Anyway, this past week I had to wear a heart monitor for 24 hrs, so we can make sure it's not dipping again, and I will have another follow up next week regarding those results. I feel pretty good though!

I need to do another post about Annabelle updates :) She is finally beginning to say some words, and is as cute as ever! Love her!

PS: If anyone has any lactose-free recipes to share, send them my way! Thx!